paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
