who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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