I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
