You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize