this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
