I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
