so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
