my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
