My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
