my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
