there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
