Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
