.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
