I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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