This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
