We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize