Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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