so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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