More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
