I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
