Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
