She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
