Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize