I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
