remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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