Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
