she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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