He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
