So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
