I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
