She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
