We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
