sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if only i could text you this smell
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
