I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
