I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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