Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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