you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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