I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
