he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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