Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
no. you can't hotbox the world.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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