We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need to calm my uterus...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
