I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
