I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
