I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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