Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
