i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
