How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to stop coming to work sober
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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