Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
