Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
