omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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