I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
