A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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