I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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