No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
