Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
