trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
