the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
