Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
