So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
