I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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