she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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