Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
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Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science