okay pat passed out under dana's car
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags