Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME