Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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