I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
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He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.