So drunk its hurt
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
