hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
third nipple confirmed
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity