I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.