Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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