this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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