I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
