tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
