yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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