I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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